He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
