we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
