I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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