I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
