I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
