My nipple is on Facebook.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
