There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
