I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
