I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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