her vagine was all disorganized.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
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