Need sex. Gaining weight.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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