dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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