Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
