guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize