i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
