you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize