Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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