as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
