I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
