I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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