I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize