i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
