I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
