I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
