I smell stomach acid.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
