Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I AM VODKA MAN
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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