I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
