I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
