Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
