I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
