I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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