Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
