I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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