Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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