STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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