I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We have started to decorate penises.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
