you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
