We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
