Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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