dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
