Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
