When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well you can't waste a boner
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Two words: blizzard sex
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
