I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
