So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
