U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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