i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
