i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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