The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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