I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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