is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
