he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
