he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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