suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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