how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
