I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
