10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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