It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
