It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
