What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
