When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize