dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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