I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
