in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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