So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm so fucking centered right now
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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