well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
