We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
NoShamevember. You game?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
