Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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