made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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