Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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